Is it hot, or is it just me? — Sweetwater, TX
Since I’ve been in Texas, a lot of people back home have asked me, “What’s it like scouting for t-shirts from a trailer park in Texas?” Well, that’s easy. Just follow these simple steps and you too can experience it for yourself.
Before you go to bed in your closet, turn the heat up to 110 and ask the cast of Rosanne to stand outside and yell obscenities at an imaginary dog every hour on the hour until dawn. After no sleep, get up at 5am and open your front door. Stick a hairdryer in your face, and engage the trigger. Wave at your neighbors who’ve been smoking on your porch since 4:30am, and then drink yourself a nice tall glass of warm hose water. Put a pair of shorts and a t-shirt in the dryer for a good hour, and then set the oven to broil. Don’t bother getting in the shower—that’s just a small box where the humidity feels like being literal. Go back inside your closet and brush your teeth with some more hose water. When your clothes are done, quickly put them on, slam two beers, stick your head in the oven, and try and get the casserole dish to sign a contract on the spot because you’re leaving town soon.
And the best response to a pitch made by a sweating salesman: “Is this your idea?”
Now accepting applications for T-Shirt Scout: Louisiana Bureau.
Sweltering somewhere out there,
Gabe
5 Comments • Tour Leg: Texas — June 2009, The Complete 2009 Tour
It was cool to meet you Gabe and your blog entries are always so accurate. An Austin Summer without A/C is as bad as a Buffalo Winter without heat, actually worse. You can always put more clothes on but once you strip down to skin there is nothing left to do but sweat.
Casserole dish is code for talking to my hand. “Yeah, yeah, sure. No.”
Great to have a beer with you at lovejoys in austin. Coming from a place that can be hotter than hell at times can appreciate a texas summer.
Um… you can actually start trying to strip off the skin too, but never works out too well. Don’t try this at home, or wherever you are.
BTW, looking forward to cocktails at the palace there- where the hell ARE you?!
Gabe, is that the Hill’s Cafe on South Congress? The Hilltop Cafe is out near Fredricksburg, but they are cool too.